How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Who do you compare yourself to?

Your friends? Your co-workers? Your ex’s new flame? Strangers you follow on Instagram? The woman working out next to you at the gym…?

And that’s probably just in one day.

Imagine how all that comparison adds up over time. All the energy and time that’s lost to focusing on other people rather than yourself.

You’re not alone. Some studies suggest we give as much as 10% of our thoughts over to comparison.

But why do we do it—are there any benefits? And how can we stop comparing ourselves so much?

Why do we compare ourselves to others?

Comparison can drive self-development and progress. In fact, that’s exactly what comparison is designed to do.

As humans, we aim to evolve. We use self-reflection to better understand our behaviors, motivations, and how we can get to where we want to be. Comparison helps us do that.

By looking at someone we admire, who has achieved the success we desire, we can look at their journey and create a blueprint for our own path. This is an example of healthy comparison.

Healthy vs. unhealthy comparison

Sometimes, we slip into unhealthy—even harmful—forms of comparison. Examples include:

• Comparing yourself to the picture-perfect images on social media and picking yourself apart as a result.
• Thinking everyone around you is super slim and putting yourself on a restrictive diet to “fit in.”
• Believing your co-workers have better, more informed ideas, so you never share yours.

These are all examples of where comparison holds you back, rather than propelling you forward in a healthy way.

How much comparison is too much?

Tune in to the signals your mind and body are giving you, and you’ll soon see if you’re slipping into unhealthy comparison.

When you give space to thinking about someone else and comparing their life to yours, notice how it makes you feel.

Do you admire them and feel inspired by their achievements and successes? This is healthy.

Do you feel envious of what they have and feel worthless, sad, or resentful as a result? This is unhealthy.

What’s the impact of unhealthy comparison?

Comparing yourself to others frequently can have a significant impact on your self-esteem.

According to a survey by Stylist:

• 83% of women believe social media negatively affects their self-esteem.
• 40% compare their careers to others who appear more successful.
• 58% say how others view them and how they view others has been changed by social media.

That’s a lot of us comparing ourselves a lot of the time.

It’s hardly surprising that social media has had such an impact. While it can certainly be a force for good, raising awareness and connecting us to others, it also has the power to drive comparison culture and unhealthy fixations. 

Comparison is becoming the norm. You just have to look at the Meghan vs. Kate, Cardi B vs. Nicki Minaj, or Taylor Swift vs. Katy Perry narratives to see how conditioned we are to compare. Comparing celebrities to each other and then to ourselves is common practice.

Too much comparison like this can lead to:

• Feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth.
• An unhealthy body image.
• Increased risk of depression and anxiety.
• Disconnection and loneliness.

All of us experience unhealthy comparison from time to time, but being aware of when it’s happening can help you stop it from spiraling and having a long-term impact on your wellbeing.

How to stop comparing yourself to others

Follow these tips to overcome negative comparison.

Cleanse your social media feed

Next time you scroll through your phone, pay attention to the accounts that make you feel good and those that cause self-doubt and self-criticism.

Unfollow any accounts that lead to negative feelings — if it’s someone you know, you can always choose to hide their updates rather than hit unfollow to avoid unnecessary fallout.

Cut down on social media

Limit yourself to 5-10 minutes of social media use a day. Set a timer on your phone and be strict with yourself when your time’s up.

It might be hard at first—after all, social media use has been likened to addiction—but the more you practice it, the easier it’ll become, and you should find your mood starts to lift.

Call out your criticism

Become aware of each time you negatively compare yourself to others. Write it down. Then next to it, write down how it made you feel. 

Then think about what you would say to your best friend if they felt that way. And, you’ve got it, write that down too. 

Each time you catch yourself negatively comparing yourself, remember the words you would say to your friend and repeat them to yourself. Practice being kind to yourself to free yourself from self-criticism.

For more advice on letting go of self-criticism, read this article on How To Love Yourself Unconditionally.

Talk it out

If comparisons are really getting you down and you can’t lift yourself out of it, it’s time to call on your support squad. It’s okay to reach out and ask for help — sometimes we get so stuck in our own heads that we can’t see clearly.

Talk to a trusted friend about how you’re feeling and, chances are, they can definitely relate and help you regain perspective.

Comparing yourself to others is one of the many sneaky ways we unknowingly sabotage ourselves. To find out SEVEN more sources of self-sabotage and—more importantly—how to overcome them, sign up for success coach Alexis Artin’s powerful webinar, See Ya Later Sabotage.