How To Overcome Fear Of Failure
“If I never date anyone then I won’t be hurt if it doesn’t work out.”
“If I don’t apply for that promotion, I’m saving myself the disappointment when I don’t get it.”
“If I don’t pitch my idea for a project, then no one can laugh me out the door.”
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
If so, you are far from alone. We all fear failure. Some of us fear it so much that we stop ourselves from ever going after what we really want – as demonstrated by the scenarios above.
In fact, 1 in 3 Americans were found to be scared of failure more than spiders, being home alone, or even the paranormal.
It seems fear has got us fully in its grasp.
So, why do we fear failure so much, and how do we overcome it?
Why are we scared of failure?
There are a number of reasons why we fear failure. It could be just one factor driving that fear or a combination.
Here are some of the key reasons behind a fear of failure:
Childhood experience
Unsurprisingly, your formative years play a significant role in your attitude to failure. If your parents or teachers were especially critical, it’s possible that you internalized the belief that you need to ask for permission before you act.
You may even question your own judgement and whether a particular decision or action may be “approved of.”
Lack of self-confidence
When you already struggle to believe in yourself, you’re more prone to feelings of self-doubt, including the belief that you’re sure to fail.
Perhaps you even identify as confident… but only in certain areas. For example, you’re confident only with what you know you can do because the risk of failure is minimal. Faced with something new and out of your comfort zone, you may experience that feeling of fear rising rapidly.
Perfectionism
This is one of the most common causes behind a fear of failure. Many people are reluctant to identify as perfectionists because what if we don’t care if a picture isn’t hanging straight on the wall or if our nails match our outfit? In reality, perfection is more than a need for things to be “perfect.”
Much more helpful is Brené Brown’s definition:
“Perfectionism is the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame… Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval.”
If you strive to be brilliant in all you do and even the tiniest of mistakes leaves you feeling as though the world has ended, that’s perfectionism. And it’s driven by a fear of failure and rejection.
How does a fear of failure impact our lives?
Put simply, fear of failure can impact every area of your life. You don’t go for your dream job because you think you’ll mess up, you don’t ask out the person you really like because you fear they may reject you, maybe you even talk yourself out of going to the gym because you fear you’ll never achieve the healthy body you desire.
Fear of failure holds us back from creating the life we dream of.
How do we overcome fear of failure?
Try these top tips to get a handle on fear and stop letting it rule your life.
Reframe how you think about fear
Not all fear was created equal, and not all fear is bad. After all, fear is designed to keep us safe. Healthy fear alerts us to potential threats and kicks the body into fight or flight mode to keep us safe.
The problem arises when that fear creeps in when our survival isn’t at stake. Perceived threats like those we’ve discussed throw us into the same fight or flight response and stop us from trying anything outside our comfort zone of safety. But getting out of our comfort zone is essential to our growth, development, and ultimately, our satisfaction in life.
Next time you realize you’re living in fear, ask yourself: “Is this threat real or imagined?” If it’s the latter, remind yourself that you are safe and secure. Trying this new thing will not kill you or cause you harm. Say it out loud if you need to. It may sound a little strange, but practiced over time, this exercise will help you begin to gain perspective and stop fear ruling your life.
Build your self-esteem
As we mentioned earlier, a lack of self-belief and a fear of failure often go hand-in-hand. Work on becoming your own biggest advocate, overruling any harsh and critical thoughts or beliefs you hold about yourself with supportive, empowering ones.
Write down 10 of the most common negative thoughts you have about yourself. Then, next to them, write the positive alternatives. Turn these into your daily affirmations. Read them and say them aloud every single day. Whenever you catch yourself thinking of or speaking about yourself negatively, acknowledge it then replace it with the positive.
The more you practice this, the more you’ll move towards confidence and self-belief. This will support you to feel more capable of overcoming any challenges successfully, instead of assuming failure before you’ve even given things a shot.
For more help in boosting your self-esteem, check out our guide to becoming your biggest advocate.
See learning opportunities, not failures
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? What if failure wasn’t a humiliating, disappointing event but rather an opportunity to learn something?
Didn’t get the job you wanted? You know what to work on to smash it next time.
Things didn’t work out with your crush? They’ve set you free to find the person who’s really right for you.
If you reframe how you view failure as an opportunity to be embraced to support your learning and growth, it allows you to bounce back quicker than if you automatically label a situation as a “failure.”
Further support
For more support in breaking free from a fear of failure, join success coach Alexis Artin’s powerful Re-Inventing U Crash Course.
Designed to help you identify and overcome your limiting beliefs, this course will set you on the path to self-empowerment and self-belief so you can get out there and create the life you’ve always wanted but fear told you was out of reach.
Sign up for the course here.